This made me laugh continued -- see also June 28th

Just received this from my homegirls, Shelly and Kate, in NYC. You bitches rock!

Cancer
(June 22 - July 22) -- 69

This is the sign that needs to be cuddled. They may believe that they were born in the wrong period or century. They DWELL in the past... Victorian ... Roman ... Medieval ... you name it. They usually will only fuck at night...come to think of it...they fuck better at night anyway. Maybe its because they are ruled by the Moon. This is a sign that is looking for TRUE love...I mean REAL TRUE DEEP LOVE ... that 'Romancing The Stone' frikkin 'Wuthering Heights' kind of love. They probably cry at the end of any Jane Austen flick. They want to be swept off of their feet. They really do deserve it, too. They are constantly dumped on by previous past fucktard ex-lovers that think they own them. Sometimes Cancers pick the wrong guy/girl and get beat up or emotionally hurt. Why? They think its what they deserve. Which is bullshit. They are wonderful people. They love water sports (jacuzzis/pools/showers/saunas/bathouses...) They want to be comfortable while fucking ... oh sure the foreplay may have had you bent over a barstool ... but when you get home they want comfy couches, beds, fluffy pillows, anything soft and fuzzy that is not a pet. Cancerians also have a horrible tendency to misplace their clothing. Highly exhibitionistic. They live for oral...as long as it tastes good. Karma Sutra honey dust is a good start ... mints ... ice cream ... anything with sugar ... fruit. Don't rush them they smoulder. But when you get started, be ready for a long night. They like to play with ice cubes, too. Also nipples are a BIG thing for Crabs ... they all secretly wish to get their nipples pierced. Can be submissive highly. Masturbation is where they get their bonus points at.
Be warned: They like 'em YOUNG...so you better be ready to dress up like an animation school boy/girl with a whip to keep 'em.