February 28th

Thanks to the human heart by which we live,
Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears,
To me the meanest flower that blows can give
Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.
William Wordsworth,
ODE: INTIMATIONS OF IMMORTALITY FROM RECOLLECTIONS OF EARLY CHILDHOOD
1803-6

Today marks the First Communion of my youngest nephew and namesake, Jackson -- YES, I was in an actual Catholic Church and NO, the roof didn't fall on me nor was I struck by a lightning bolt. The day also happily marks five months that Dustin and I have been together.

Jackson and the priest

Let No One Sleep

Listening to Luciano Pavarotti sing Nessun Dorma at the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympics not only brought me to tears but, made me desperately want to see this 70 year-old tenor live as he will now begin his farewell tour.

I also realized today how hopelessly in love I am with Dustin, each day just seems to bring on a new depth and intensity. I am so happy it actually hurts. As I said to him, I wish there was something I could say or do to show him how much I love him. Words fall short.

On the Move

After a week of moving: first Dustin into his new place on Wednesday; then his roommate, Pheonix, on Friday; and if that wasn't enough Dustin and I helped my pal, Ian, move his stuff from Edmonton to Calgary at 9am Saturday. We arrived in Calgary that afternoon at PJ (who I've photographed several times see portrait below) & his partner, Pete's, house and helped unload Ian into their basement suite. Then one of my best friends in the whole world, Jenny, came and picked us up. I finally got to see her new home, which was so nice and girl had the place hooked up with all new everything. That night Dustin and I headed out to one of the clubs, Twisted Element, but we never went in. After standing in line waiting for about half an hour, just as we got to the front of the line, Ian and his pal, Richie, were on their way out and said they were heading to Boystown. We were more than happy to join them since the place looked very young and very twink especially the screeching, squealing queens that were in line behind us. Had a fun Saturday night (our predesignated date night) with Dustin. Actually, I had a wonderful weekend with Dustin -- he was beyond affectionate and sweet. And Dustin said I could say that "the sex was great" but no details. Ha ha ha.

Second Photo Shoot with Rob

In the Shadows

Useless Trivia

Dextrocardia (heart on the right side) occurs in .01% of the population (1 in 10,000).

I know where my heart is (and he's one in a million!)

Easy Rider

Watched the biker classic, Easy Rider, today. It was a very cool film and even more impressive in that it was made in 1969 -- a time of race riots, hippies aka the flower children, free love, and lots of drugs. It was virtually a documentary of America's mindset during that time period. What was equally interesting was the behind the scenes commentary by the stars/writers Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper. I guess you could say it was"Life imitating art imitating life" because while making the film (the New Orleans Mardi Gras footage which was shot on 16mm) the cast was as drunk, high and to some degee parnoid as their characters in the film. I think one of the most profound things that I'll take away from this film was best said in the lyrics of a Bob Dylan song, It's Alright Ma, that was part of the movie's soundtrack;

That he not busy bein' born,
Is busy dyin'

And for what it's worth, today officially ended my sad days -- tomorrow I see Dustin.

Things that made me smile today

Another rotten night of sleep, which is a suitable start to what I'm calling "Sad Day #2" (theme song for the day; Until We Meet Again by Diana Ross), so I can use anything that comes along that'll make me smile like:

Receiving a cheque for $400 this morning from the Government of Alberta (the Province where I live) for doing absolutely nothing other than being a resident. Makes you feel like you're in Alaska. Ha ha ha.

Phoebe's line on Friends (one of the countless reruns you can catch every day) when her, Monica, and Rachel are looking at Ross' Playboy magazine; "Remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt and bend over."

Photo Shoot with Rob

Had a very successful photo shoot today with Rob, who approached me online to find out what type of photos I did. After giving him my website, he replied that he loved my work and had considered posing for some time, so he would be willing to be a subject if I was interested in shooting him. I was.

When I arrived at Rob's apartment, I was unprepared for just how beautiful this man's eyes were -- they reminded me of a wolf's, that incredible icy-tinted, cold blue. We had just enough time that I was able to use direct daylight in trying to capture the true color. Afterwards we continued the shoot on a very complimentary blue sofa until we completely ran out of light. In shooting Rob, what I especially loved (in addition to his willingness and enthusiasm) was the lightness of his skin, how it contrasted with his dark hair and the high-color flush of his cheeks, all set off with those hypnotic blue eyes.

I had a specific concept how I wanted to shoot Rob: white shirt and tie, and although we started exploring the idea, I never got what I wanted. I will be going back to his apartment earlier in the afternoon next time so that we have more daylight (I'll also bring a lighting kit too). Until then, here's a few of the shots.










UPDATE
Here is Rob's response to this post:

HOLY SHIT! you are the biggest fucking sweetheart. thankyou not for the photography but for the words you chose to describe me... the pics are beautiful and really Jackson thankyou for the amazing person you are.

Why Cycling Shorts Should Always Be Black

I don't like publishing photography on my blog that isn't material that I've shot, but I'm making a minor exception here, just because these two photos are just too funny. With special thanks to my divinely twisted friend, Laeonie Ferguson, who sent this to me, I give you "Why Cycling Shorts Should Always Be Black":

Satellite Photo of my Apartment/Studio in Harlem

For anyone that's curious -- here's a bird's eye view of my apartment/studio in Harlem, New York City. (And just so as to not cause any confusion, my apartment appears in the photo under the scratchpad on the right)

Time to Say Bye Bye Bush .......... (unfortunately not soon enough)

This was just too good to pass up, so ... I've added it permanently to my blogsite at the very end of the posts on this page.

Brokeback Mountain

Finally saw the movie, Brokeback Mountain, with Dustin. I was prepared for a gay cowboy love story, what I wasn't prepared for was the reality, the despair, the depth of sadness and ultimately how disturbed this film would leave me.

It's almost 24 hours later now that I'm posting this and moments of the movie are still reverberating in my head, it packs a wicked punch. I still feel a little emotionally raw from the whole experience and I keep replaying scenes in my mind wanting them to somehow come out differently. Brokeback Mountain doesn't just tell you about regret, yearning, despair -- it makes you feel it! And, I identify very strongly with its underlying theme how life and lives can be completely wasted when people fear consequences, the judgement of others, and cannot find it in themselves to live a truthful life. For anyone that has been in the closet, they know how this can be one of the worst sadnesses. I haven't been impacted like this because of a movie since "It's My Party" which nearly psychologically disabled me for four days. Dustin also had a profound experience with Brokeback Mountain (which he jokingly called Bareback Mountain) although his reaction was completely different but equally, if not more, intense.

I don't want to say much about the story or specific details for anyone that actually reads this, because I think the best way to experience this film and get the most out of it, is to see it without knowing what journey the characters are going to take you on and "enjoy" (not the best word) how the storyline unfolds.

On a brighter note, the cinematography in this film is wonderful with breathtaking panoramas of the Alberta (where I am right now) Rockie Mountains and wilderness. Even the desolate towns and farms look amazing. All in all, everything contributes in delivering this movie's subtle/not-so-subtle effect.

Huge credit to Ang Lee (would I ever like to sit down and talk to this guy) for crafting such a beautiful film -- this is storytelling at its finest. It's a great movie (and deserved all 4 of the Golden Globes it won, especially Best Picture) but not one that I can honestly say you walk out saying "Oh wow, I really liked that!" However, I know I'll see this movie again (just not right away).

Service69.com

One of the hot photos I took of Rodrigo with one of his waiters, Lalo, in D.F. (Mexico City) will appear in ad for Rodrigo's company. The Service69.com ad will run in the Mexican magazine Zonagay. The ad which turned out absolutely beautiful, was designed here in Edmonton by my good friend and talented graphics guy, Ryan Mayer of bluehaus fame.

ZonaGay ad 

Photos of Canada's Deputy Prime Minister

Took photos this afternoon of Canada's Deputy Prime Minister, Anne McLellan, Liberal candidate for Edmonton Centre in the next federal election. She was presenting a signed Charter of Rights to the Edmonton Gay & Lesbian Community Centre at Prism Nightclub. The photos will run in the February issue of Outlooks Magazine, but here's one of the shots with Alderman Michael Phair, who I've had the pleasure of being acquainted with for almost 20 years now since back in the day when I worked for The Phoenix Theatre and Michael was the head of Edmonton's AIDS Network.


For what it's worth, I'd much rather vote for the Liberal party, even though they have behaved criminally as a party, then vote for the Conservatives who would happily hand Canada over to George W. Bush to run. I am proud of the Canadian government for not entering into the Iraq War. I am proud of the Canadian government for not endorsing the American "Star Wars" scheme. I am proud of the Canadian government for its legalizing gay marriage. Even though these things angered the United States government, Canada held its own. I would not have these things to be proud of had we had a Progressive Conservative government. For you true Canadians out there, think carefully how you vote on January 23, I've seen firsthand how ugly American politics can be, we don't need any of George W's madness.

National Cover for Outlooks Magazine

Received word today from publisher/editor Roy Heale, that I will be shooting the 9th Anniversary cover (March 2006) for Outlooks magazine. I'll be shooting here in Edmonton with a local model. I'll post some shots after the shoot next week.

I also had an availability check today to see if I would be interested in doing a shoot in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico for American Express at one of their new acquisitons of Orient Express luxury hotels. The best part of the project is that I would get to work with one of my best friends, Val Brandt ("Poopsie Too").

Photo Shoots with Ian and Daryn ............(aka Fun with the Boys)

Had a great day hanging with -- Daryn, Ian, Craig, and the sweetheart of all sweethearts, Kate (our stylist, production assistant, and hair & makeup). We spent the entire afternoon doing photos of the boys, first of Ian and then of Daryn (with arm modelling from Craig) which I've decided to call his series "My middle name is ART" as his middle name is, you guessed it, Arthur. Here's what we got.

A Day with the Mann

Had a really great day hanging with one of my best friends Mark Mann and his new wife, Maypu. They drove up from Bashaw, where they live in a very cool church that Mark bought over 10 years ago, and our first destination was West Edmonton Mall (I honestly haven't been in over a year) for them to get a credit on a Christmas present. Then we went shopping at HMV and I bought half a dozen of my favourite movies:

Motorcycle Diaries
La Cage Aux Folles
La Cage Aux Folles II
Bladerunner
Edward Scissorhands
Young Frankenstein

Wonder what this list will tell you about my film preferences. LOL. After the mall, we went and picked up my boy Dustin so that I could make the necessary introductions and then all of us went for dinner at the Silk Hat on Jasper Avenue. Following dinner we made our way to Value Village, Maypu's favourite store, where I got a great pair of black army boots for $20.

Earlier in the day we stopped in at Colorfast, the lab that processed all my film from Mexico. When it comes to photo labs, I sure miss Baboo in NYC. Not only do they offer more comprehensive and faster services but they are about half the price and that's with the exchange on the US dollar. Regardless, here is one of the images that I am incredibly happy with. I love the texture that film gives and the very shallow depth of field on this image.

Bad Eye Day

Woke up by a skull-splitting headache, and an eye so red, so sore, and so light sensitive that even though I have an opthamologist checkup tomorrow, I made an emergency appointment for first thing this morning. By way of explanation, the same doctor (I think my regular doc is away on vacation or for the holidays) that took me off one of my medications last week has put me back on it because the ulcer has re-emerged on my cornea. Anyway ... had to postpone going to do a night shoot at the Legislature Grounds with my buddy, Ian. Hopefully I'll be up for it tomorrow.

Another Sign

Woke up in the middle of the night (wanting to cuddle) and was very confused by the fact that Dustin wasn't in bed, until I realized I was sleeping at my parent's home and not at his place.

A most very Happy New Year

Tonight walking through the downtown core, Dustin and I passed at least six very large white rabbits, two hopped across our path and the rest of them stood motionless in the middle of an abandoned lot. Dustin tried to convince me that they were just white grocery bags (he obviously needs to wear glasses worse than I do), however on our way back to his apartment all of them were gone. So I maintain, on New Year's Eve while walking with the Blue Monkey I saw a herd of white bunnies right near the Greyhound. I'm so sure this is very good luck!